Your divorce maybe acrimonious but you and your ex are going to have to interact regularly if you have kids. Your children are not responsible for the problems you had in your marriage, and the best way to help them cope is to maintain a friendly demeanor around your ex.
Have a discussion with your ex in terms of your future relationship after the divorce. Your children will pick up and amplify and negativity or bad feelings and if you're sharing custody, then it means you'll be seeing each other regularly. Being civil to each other, respecting each other's place in your kids' lives, and being able to discuss parental issues without shouting so much at each other is what you and your ex will have to accomplish. You need to leave the past behind regardless of what caused the divorce and act in the interest of your kids' future.
You may be hurt or angry, but remember that your issues with your ex are not your kids' issues. You are just mom and dad to them so don't involve them in any conflict or bitterness. Don't bad-mouth your ex in front of the children, it only confuses them. Don't use your kids' love for both of you to prejudice them in any way.
Try to establish ground rules in terms of behaviour and discipline together, just as you would if you were still married. Children need security, and a unified front, even from parents in separate homes, will help them cope better with the divorce. One parent would often see less of the children and so they feel like they need to make up for those two days every two weeks and end up spoiling them rotten. The rule of thumb is finding out if you would have let your kids do this if you were still married. You shouldn't be doing it now if you wouldn't.
If you and your ex can have a normal conversation and discuss parenting issues rationally, your children will benefit greatly. A fair amount of conflict between the two of you is what you've probably been through and perhaps you've told them that the divorce will make that go away. Children will get confused if you continue to argue and shout at each other after the divorce and they'll also feel that you lied to them. If nothing has changed, then why did you get divorced?
A difficult issue is that of new relationships but at some stage each parent will find a new partner. You will want to avoid hurting the children so this is another issue that should be discussed togged. Discuss when the kids should be introduced to the new partner, how they will address them, and any other issues that may arise. Helping you and your children ease into the transition without too much trauma is getting these things sorted out.
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